Anyone who knows Nell and me, is often surprised to learn that we both love dance/ electronic music. We’ll both argue the case for classic house from the 90s. It’s some of the best music to get your groove on to – although arguably some very questionable dance moves were born in this era and genre of music. Some of the moves looked as though people were moving hefty furniture, in their minds! You’d be forgiven for asking, “what is she prattling on about?”. Well, specifically, Baby D, ‘Let Me Be Your Fantasy’. Well, what if they’d added ‘pet’ to this title? If you’ll indulge me then that’s what this blog post is about.
Prior to agreeing to pet sits we have a document that we often refer to when we’re on a video call with the pet-parents. So, I thought that I’d take the basic premise of this and apply it to some fantasy pets to see how that might shake out. What’s that you ask? Have I consumed some dried mushrooms that aren’t porcini? No, honestly, I haven’t. It’s just for a bit of fun because life can be extremely serious sometimes.
K9, Mark 1
Up first is, K9 from Doctor Who. When I was a child, K9 was the only thing that I liked about Doctor Who, the rest of the programme scared the heck out of me. Daleks were the stuff of nightmares. Their only saving grace being that they couldn’t transport themselves upstairs. HA! Foiled. Back to cute K9.
According to the Doctor Who site, K9 first appeared in the 1977 Doctor Who story, ‘The Invisible Enemy’. K9 was created by Professor Marius in the year 5000. The Doctor, and his companion Leela, helped Professor Marius defeat an alien virus. After the virus was defeated, the Professor asked the Doctor to keep K9 and look after him.
With this backstory in mind, let us get on with our imaginary video chat with Doctor Who and Leela.
Q: Walks - whistle? Off-lead?
A: He’s actually better off lead than on. Whistle – well, we tend to interface with K9 silently and easily, so we don’t use a whistle. Also, K9 is very protective of Leela. He sees himself as Leela’s bodyguard, so he tends to stick close to us. He’ll probably do the same with you, but if he goes off on his own time travels, then just stay in the last place that he saw you and all should be well.
Q: What do we need to know about his food?
A: He’s the most economical pet that we’ve ever owned because he eats, well, nothing.
Q: Toys, treats, and bones?
A: He loves to play chess against me, the Doctor and Leela (being female, ergo, the assistant, obviously), moves the pieces for K9. So, that’s not going to work because you’re two women and that will just confuse him.
Q: Does he go on laps/ furniture?
A: Only if you’re able to deadlift him up because he finds it very difficult to jump these days, or ever really.
Q: Travelling in the car?
A: We’ve never tried that. We tend to take him in the Tardis, which you’re welcome to borrow. It gets a bit cold in there though, so we’ll also leave the Doctor’s scarf for you.
Q: What do we need to know about his food?
A: one apple on Monday, two pears on Tuesday, three plums on Wednesday, four strawberries on Thursday, and five oranges on Friday. However, you will find that the caterpillar is still hungry. On Saturday, he will feast. He’ll eat a piece of chocolate cake, an ice cream cone, a pickle, a slice of Swiss cheese, a slice of salami, a lollipop, a piece of cherry pie, a sausage, a cupcake and a slice of watermelon. He will end up with stomach-ache.
Q: Okay, how do you usually deal with that?
A: Typically, we give him one green leaf on a Sunday. He’ll feel much better after that.
Q: Will everything be back to normal after that?
A: Well, he’ll no longer be little and hungry. He tends to grow into a significantly larger caterpillar. He’ll build a coccon around himself and stay inside it for two weeks, after which he’ll nibble a hole and push his way out. The last thing that you’ll see will be him emerging as a large, multi-coloured butterfly.
Q: Will he go on laps/ furniture?
A: Oh. He’ll flit about here and everywhere. He basically goes wherever he gosh darn pleases.
Q: How is he with other pets?
A: He’s fine, he’s quite the social butterfly.
Q: Is there anything that upsets Piglet?
A: Um, well, Piglet is quite a timid character, but he does attempt to be brave. Recently, he does seem to be doing well with conquering his fears.
Q: Any favourite food?
A: We tend to keep a stash of acorns in the freezer. Oh. Please excuse me. I mean, haycorns [sic].
Q: Any quirks that we ought to be aware of?
A: Great question. Where to start? I see that you’re writing notes so here goes. Hunting Woozles, attempting to capture Heffalumps, giving Eeyore a birthday balloon (popped) and impersonating Roo in an attempt to trick Kanga. He did also recently join an ‘Expotition’ [sic] to the North Pole.
Q: How did that work out?
A: Well, it was quite dramatic. He was trapped by a flood, but obviously everything worked out in the end otherwise we wouldn’t be looking for a pet sitter. He’s also helped to build a house for Eeyore. Yes, very impressive!
Q: Any favourite games?
A: So glad you asked. He loves to play Poohsticks. I’ll follow up in an email to give specific instructions on how to play Poohsticks. He also likes to read and write so maybe I’ll give Piglet the opportunity to email you a short note. His email address utilises ‘Piglit’ so check your spam, just in case.
Q: Does he get on with other pets? A: Ah. Yes. Piglet’s an amiable character with lots of friends. He does have a best friend, who’s a bear called Winnie the Pooh. One word of caution there though. If they have a play date, then please keep all activities outside otherwise there’ll be honey everywhere and we’ll be finding sticky patches for weeks on end. Yes, very much like Christmas tree needles, or glitter.
Q: Any quirks?
A: He’ll address you by your title, so please don’t be surprised by that. He’s quite laidback in other regards, especially when eating his favourite marmalade sandwiches. Truly, that stuff goes everywhere. Oh, and you’ll know if he’s upset because he gives a hard stare. Scary stuff!
Q: Should they need to be left, then how long for and where?
A: Always with a label just in case, and a jar of marmalade. Obviously. How long did you say you’d been doing this pet sitting for? I’m amazed that this stuff isn’t obvious.
Q: Any favourite activities?
A: Absolutely! Paddington loves nothing more than hanging out at the Portobello Road Market.
Q: Is there a particular stall that Paddington likes to go to?
A: Hmm. Any of them really. It’s not the destination, it’s the journey. His modus operandi is driving a hard bargain, and he’s respected for it. A lesson for us all, you might say.
